One Fine Day! (True Story)

If you are the type who sympathises, who goes "oh..poor chap..tch tch", on seeing someone
getting mauled by life then please skip this post. However, if on the other hand, the whole
general prospect of reliving vicariously the sight of me getting kicked in the posterior
figuratively makes you smack your lips and rub your hands with glee,please do peruse the lines
below and sate yourselves.Gloat,smirk,laugh or do whatever it is that you normally do when you crowd around with craning necks to watch a bloody spectacle.You people are not of this age but
ought to have been born as a gladiator battling starving lions in Rome under Caligula Caesar.

Traitor.You are reading this?And here I was thinking you were the benevolent type.Well,as I
have given my word to narrate the incidents of the day I do not renege on it.I hope one day
all this happens to you too.

It was a pretty innocuous start to the day.8:30 am.The two characters who share my room have made their exits.The whole place to myself.I stretch.Yawn and prevaricate as much as possible
before rolling off my bed to start contemplating a bath.Wrapping a towel around my waist I
gravitate towards the bath and light the candle.(No.No.Not the bulb.The candle.Thats another
story.Now we take bath in candlelight and trust me when I say it ain’t half as romantic as how
they depict them in the movies.)

After having alternately scalded and frozen my skin off trying to adjust the temperature of
the water,I step out to dress and get ready for work.I turn the knob of my door.It does not
budge.There must be a mistake.I see if the door has a keyhole.No.It doesn't.I try the door
again.Not even an inch.I take a deep breath."It's okay.Calm down.You are simply locked out of
your room with just a towel on.Nothing to worry.Happens to everyone.Some cool thinking and
everything is going to be fine.Right?" I reason out.But.

So what would you have done?I ask you.Well what I did was try and list out everything that I
could possible do.

1.Call up someone up-But no numbers.My cell phone was locked in.No money to make a call.My
wallet was within.Unfortunately I don't normally carry it when I go for my bath.

What?Thats it?No more options?No.Maybe I was undernourished.I walked into the kitchen and
pondered my predicament over a bowl of cornflakes.What happens next,I totally blame it on the breakfast.The POLICE.

I don't know how I came to this solution.No.Actually I think I do.It all has to do with my
boss who keeps saying "I'm going to kick your ass.."because he in turn has a superior whose
only purpose to exist seems to be to put sole on my poor boss behind.Somehow I got the idea
that how muchever footing my boss took its going to cascade down to me and that is what
prompted me to walk into the RotherHithe Police Station.

What do you expect inside a policestation?A couple of ruddy,beefy policemen,sneering conmen or atleast a noticeboard with closeup shots of ugly mugs right?Well there was only a frail old
lady whom I had startled out of her slumber with my whirlwind entry.Annoyed I looked around
for some stereotypes.Noone."I am locked out" I blurted out.The old lady is listening.I also
notice that her expression has not changed.I suddenly started feeling a bit awkward(how could
I have come in here with this ridiculous demand?).And when she finally realized that the one
sentence just about summarizes my situation she gave one smirk,turned around and focussed her attention towards her halfeaten doughnut.

I dont know if you have done it,but its very tough to slink out unnoticed after such a big
stinker like that.And as I was dragging myself out redfaced she took pity on me and suggested
that I try the fire station.Once I embark on a mission there is nothing that can stop me.Next
destination-FireStation.Its a good thing I did not reach the place.Walking halfway down(no
money to buy tickets too)I stopped to ask a cop directions to the place.I explained my
predicament and by the time he was done with me I realized somethings.You don't have to be
dressed like a clown to make people laugh.And policemen have a weird sense of humour.

Never one to give up I approached a tool lending shop.

"Excuse me.I need a ladder."
"No problem sir.100 pounds cash deposit and a proof of residence would do."
"Umm..Can I give it to you after I break in..Oh shit..I mean make my entry..I mean.."
"Sir.."
"Yes?"..gulp
"Are you a breaking into someone's place?Do you have an id?"
Harry Houdini could not have done it.But I managed it.Noone saw me.I was gone.

Anyway late evening saw me finishing off a screwed up day,both domestically and
professionally.I scowled at my monitor and decided to hit the gym that I newly joined with a
vengeance(meaning run for atleast 5 mins instead of the normal 3 mins before collapsing in
front of the TV)..And just as I entered the male changing room and was unzipping my pants..too
late..damn..what was she doing here???Somelady in spandex sheepishly giggles.."Sorry..I was
late for the aerobic class..so I thought I'd use this.."and rushes off!!